In His Heart
by I hate Chelsea
Summary: Alphonse is fed up with his new body. He can't touch, smell or taste. Alcentric random emo angsting with a happy ending involving Edward. No Elricest


**Authors' Note: **Emo Al! I seriously don't know how to write fan fiction, much less emo angst, much much less emo angsting of a suit of armor. But yeah. Please review if you read!

"Why?" Alphonse thought bitterly as he glanced across the field at the rolling green hills. Usually he would be awed—for he never got tired of the beautiful scenery of his home town. But not today. The sun was too bright. The birds' singing was an octave too high. That roof had too many tiles.

All he had wanted was to see his mother's smile again.

Together with his brother, Edward, he had attempted forbidden alchemy to revive their dead mother. Human transmutation, the greatest taboo of all. Alchemy was a practice that hinged on the basis of equivalent trade. To obtain something, you have to present something of equal value. They had prepared all the components necessary for the body to be brought back, and they had each contributed a drop of blood to suffice for the soul.

But that hadn't been enough. Al had lost his entire body and Edward, his leg in the exchange, all for creating something that wasn't even human. Edward had sacrificed his right arm in order to bind Al's soul to a suit of armor lying around.

Alphonse knew that he was very lucky to still be alive. But he still felt resentful.

Nobody around him understood how terrible it was to only have two senses—hearing and sight. Alphonse didn't even know how an empty suit of armor was able to see out of those holes in the metal, or how he was able to hear. It was probably yet some other miracle created by his brother, his amazing, talented brother. He used to be able to feel, to taste, and to smell.

Nobody else understood how lonely it was to have to spend those agonizingly long nights staring out at the moon, or the wall, or the bed. He used to be able to sleep and rest his tired body. When he was unable to fall asleep, he would lie in bed talking to his brother about what great alchemists they were going to be when they grew up. Not that he could feel fatigue now.

Alphonse was afraid that he would one day forget what it was like to experience all the sensations that were once so unremarkable to him, but might be lost forever. Each night, when everyone in the house was sound asleep except him, he would think about the smell of flowers or the taste of apples or the feel of a kitten's soft fur or the pain of his brother pulling his hair or the comfort he felt when their mother hugged him close and scolded his brother. Their mother…Alphonse would try to avoid encountering this subject, but it still surfaced in his mind occasionally. He would spend the whole night refreshing his memories in this way, yet he knew deep inside that they too would slip quietly away before long.

"Hey Al." Edward limped towards his brother, his automail leg still unsteady. Alphonse remained silent.

"It's so hot," he complained, sitting down next to his brother. "Al, you're so lucky…you can't get tired…or feel any of this sweltering heat…I wish—" Edward was cut off by a hollow gloved fist hitting him in the stomach.

"You don't understand!"

Edward jumped up and winced as his automail leg shook, his legs threatening to give way. "Al, I—"

Whack. Edward had no choice but to whack back. It was his natural instinct actually, after being trained by the unwilling master of alchemy, Izumi Curtis. He could have escaped back into the house.

"I hate this body!"

More blows were exchanged.

Edward clapped his hands together and brought them upon the ground. A wall of mud rose between the brothers. Both Alphonse and he stopped in their tracks, surprised by this.

"You didn't tell me that you could do that too." Al's tinny voice came from the other side of the wall.

"I didn't—"

"What else have you been hiding from me?"

Edward was silent.

"Nii-san, answer me!"

He clapped his hands together again and transmuted the wall away. Alphonse immediately took up his fighting stance, but Edward shook his head.

"I…I'm sorry, Al."

Alphonse's mind suddenly registered that his brother, who had sacrificed a whole arm for him, who was still weak from surgery, was covered in bruises.

Inflicted by him.

Alphonse felt so ashamed that he dropped to the ground. He could hear his brother asking anxiously if he was alright, if something had happened. How could he have been so ungrateful? He _was_ lucky to have this body. So what if he only had two senses out of five?

He could still be with his brother, with Winry, with Grandma Pinako, with all the ones that he loved.

"…Al? Are you still mad at me?"

Alphonse's metal head turned towards the short blonde sitting next to him.

"No, nii-san."

"I'm sorry."

"You said that already."

Edward got up shakily, using his brother as a support.

"Come on, let's go."

In his heart, Alphonse Elric smiled.

**Author's Note, again: **Yay, a random, nonsensical ending. That was too rushed and short.


End file.
